He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize