he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
