need another drink. this is the easiest way
just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
