I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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