Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Randomize
