smell my finger.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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