i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
