He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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