please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
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Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
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I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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