I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
my poor anus
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
