I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
