I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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