I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
