she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
