I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
be right there i have to get my cape
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
