they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
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My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
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Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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