You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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