Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
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i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
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I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize