why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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