I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I said "one day" and that day is not today
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize