I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
