After last night, I could never be a politician.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
