Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
two words...techno handjob
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
