did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
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