everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
