Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
