everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
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