I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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