He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Fuck me I smell like cheese
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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