Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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