I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
