Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
