trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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