then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I AM VODKA MAN
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Randomize
