uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
