My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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