My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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