a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
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The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
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As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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