just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
