Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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