Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
