i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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