do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
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