Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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