i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
