Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
