JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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