He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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