when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
