Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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