I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
