bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
