Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
