i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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