Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
