he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
