Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
