In the future we'll all be gay
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
This is the high leading the old right now
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Randomize
