I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
