Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
this beer tastes like vomit already
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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