Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
please come you make the beer taste better
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
