So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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