it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
